Well, it's been a few months since I've blogged here. I feel slight twinges of guilt at my absence...
But much has happened.
For example, yesterday I turned 50! ME? 50? Fifty is what happens to other people, not me. I'm ageless and live an endless existence. I don't follow those numbers like other people! And yet, here I am. Skin less stretchy, hair less colourful, eyes less able to focus, thoughts less able to focus. I hate that phrase "it happens to us all". No it doesn't. Not in the same way. and not at the same time. So when I turn 50, I"m on my own that day. Those who have gone before have forgotten the age, since they are now in fear of 55, or 60. Those who are not yet here at this hurdle, don't feel the sudden overwhelming difference it makes.
And it does. Just a few days ago, I had a thought, or perhaps it was a feeling, that here I was, here I am, half way or more, and I've done it all without making any major mistakes. I haven't got hooked on drugs, didn't get pregnant at the wrong time or with the wrong person, didn't have to claim bankruptcy, didn't damage anyone's life, didn't go to jail or break a bone, or even crash up a car (minor bumps, only). And i've raised a son successfully, -he'll be 16 this week. So What does all this mean?
It suddenly meant to me, that I can relax and enjoy the next 50 years! I'm no longer chasing dreams, no longer fearful of not accomplishing something or making an irreparable mistake. I'm here. 50. King of the castle. Top of the sand pile. I can slide into home, letting go of all that effort to get here. I'm here. This is the peak of life. At least for now it feels that way!
Who can say what the next 10 years will feel like?
I'm content. Life is mine to devour with passion!
Hilary Slater: I write in the morning before I get out of bed. I write in the evening when the world is quiet. I write at Starbucks, where I can escape the household interruptions. But most of all I write in November, when NaNoWriMo inspires me!